Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Party like a republican, protest like a democrat

During college, one of my democrat friends wrote an article professing that, although she was left-leaning, she liked to date conservatives because they were better lovers. During George W's presidency, I heard many male friends say that, although G.W. made a terrible leader of the Free World, he'd probably throw a really good kegger.

Regardless of your political persuasion, if you had to drive by this every day on the way home from work, like I do, you'd probably be persuaded to blog about it too:

Basically, the blog that follows is just a way of busying my idle hands so I don't roll down the window tomorrow and yell something really obnoxious at this guy like, "Hey, do you know where I can find the abortion clinic?" or "Is this where I park for the pride parade?"

But anyway, I snapped this photo on my way home today, and it's exactly what it looks like: a one-man protest.

I've been to many protests. One could argue that I was basically groomed from childhood to be a protester. For my birthday once, my cool uncle bought me a book about the Kent State shootings, and my parents used to drag my brother and I to protests; if we kept are rooms clean, we got to hold a sign. In college, my protesting career continued, albeit self-sustained. I marched against the Iraq war before we all found out there were no WMDs, and once I married my friend Jenny in the school commons as a protest against the Defense of Marriage Act. Anyway, the point is, I know a lot about organizing protests, or at least enough to know that the protest pictured above sucks proverbial ass.

I mean seriously? Is his blind individualism supposed to distract me from his protest's shortcomings? Republicans might throw good parties, but democrats are much better protesters. First of all, let me explain to you a little about the crossroads at which this guy is standing. On the southwest corner of this intersection is a gated residential neighborhood. On the northwest side of the intersection is a gated residential neighborhood. On the northeast side is a gated residential neighborhood. On the southeast side is a gated residential neighborhood. Here's a shocker: It's the suburbs. Also, it's located in one of the wealthiest zip codes in our county. So not only is no one driving by this guy, but he's basically "protesting" in the master-planned equivalent of the Republican National Convention.

And you know what else? He's only one person! I know, I know. We're supposed to believe that every vote counts, but how many people still occupy Wall Street? I don't exactly, but I can tell you one thing: it's more than one, and that protest has been going for more than a year!

And what does that sign mean, exactly? "Stop Obama" from what? Could he not think of something that rhymes with Obama? I'm tempted to lean out my car window and say, "Oh, is Obama driving through here? If I stop him, what do you want me to say? Did you want his autograph?"

Anyway, I think I'm entitled to one election-based rant, and that was it. Don't even get me started on the fanny pack.