Even Vegas Needs a New Year's Resolution

In honor of the new year, I propose the following resolutions for the city of Las Vegas. Let's be honest, if Las Vegas were a person, it would be a fat, smokey, aging mobster, so in theory this whole metaphor thing works.

1) Quit smoking
People still smoke a lot in Las Vegas-- the most I've seen outside the Midwest. It's so 1990.

2) Cut back
New casinos continue to open. New highrises continue to go up. When the average hotel cost has dropped by 50 percent, clearly this whole building this isn't working anymore.

3) Invest in education
This isn't so much a Vegas resolution as a Nevada resolution. We're the lowest performing state in a stupid country. Completely unacceptable.

4) Exercise
Since we're not getting better hospitals or doctors anytime soon.

5) Go to therapy
Depression is a disease that can't be cured by booze.

Back on the Blogwagon

Ok, I guess I should jump back into the blogosphere after a long time away. As some of you know, I've been busy at a new job, tutoring in the evenings, and enjoying time with family and friends over the holidays. I have wanted to write a post about a dozen times, but in an effort not to endanger said new job, I've censored myself. Now that I'm back in the town where I mostly grew up, I'm again bestowed with some ideas that I don't have to censor.

It's cold here in Minnesota. And everyone kind of looks the same. I forgot how white everyone is, how bearded, how fat. In Vegas we have many months of sun, which motivate at least the younger people to look their best. Here, everyone holes up in the winter. Aside from my close friends and family, to be honest, people look like shit.

I'm serious. Everyone stays at home, only to venture out of the house to bar hop or buy aspirin. And even at the bars, people keep their coats on. In Vegas, even when it's chilly, you sacrifice your comfort to show off your amazing clothes, skin, hair. Here, you can literally go through life in a duck-down parka, suspenders, and a scarf.

And it's not entirely their fault either. I mean, how are you supposed to stay in shape here? Snowdrift diving? And what are you supposed to do, spray tan ten months out of the year? But seriously, people. Have a little self-respect. Brush your neck hair once in a while. Make this Las Vegan's trip home a little less depressing.

I Heart Mayor Goodman

Some of you may have noticed I haven't blogged in quite some time. That's because I worked about 65 hours this week. I've been saving this post up for days now.

Alas, Oscar Goodman's reign as mayor of Las Vegas is coming to an end. And for the first time, I really hate term limits. Suddenly I realize that just about everyone really loves our mayor. This is rare for a city. It's rare to find a politician that matches a city's personality so perfectly.

Mayor Goodman is real and famous, crass and street-smart. He remembers your name. Once, he participated in a fundraiser for our synagogue called "The Wedding Game" with his wife. It was basically The Newlywed Game, and Oscar divulged details about everything from his sex life to his favorite food. He was totally transparent, and he took time out of his busy schedule to do something selfless. Our next mayor has to be the same way: real and famous. And intelligent. Vegas is weaker now than it's ever been in the past, so we need someone strong.

Desert Smesert

It's really fricking cold all of a sudden. For a few weeks there, Vegas really had me fooled. I thought we might have another mild winter. But, no. It's freezing.

A lot of people think it's got to be sunny here all the time, like we're in Florida or something. But we're not. I mean, it's not cold like other places are cold, but it snows. Tourists think they can wear pasties in the winter. Actually, when is a good time/place to wear pasties?

And now I'm sensitized to cold. The October after I moved here, I remember sitting on a restaurant patio under a heat lamp and marveling at how cold it was. When we looked at the thermometer, it read 62 degrees. I had officially become weak.

I'll never live somewhere with four seasons again. I don't like having to run from location to location with my nose frozen shut. I don't miss driving on ice or snow on my birthday anymore. The only real con to the weather here is a shortened scarf season. That's about where it ends. And no skiing. Other than that, I've learned to love the dry heat and almost passing out while sitting by the pool.

Birthdays

Today is my birthday. What do people in Vegas do on their birthdays? Other people fly to Vegas. On my birthday, I like to stay away from people.

When I was a little kid, I used to like to have parties. Mostly, I think I just liked presents. Then, at a certain point in my life, I liked to have parties to see how many people I could pack into a room as a barometer for my popularity.

A few birthdays ago, I officially decided to forgo parties altogether. That year, the guy I was dating at the time was supposed to arrange a party, and he waited until the day before Thanksgiving weekend to plan anything and everyone was out of town. Of course, at my party, when he was buying me a drink at the bar, I just grabbed some other guy and kissed him without my boyfriend knowing. Well, now he knows. That was the worst/best birthday I've ever had. Good to stop while you're behind/ahead.

Now, I avoid birthdays because it means I'm getting older. And I don't want to get older. I'm not afraid of death, so it's not a mortality thing, but I really like life, despite how much it sucks sometimes. And I have a lot I want to experience still. This might change when I hit thirty. I have a feeling, when I hit thirty, I might want presents again.