Ship of Fool
Poems by William Trowbridge
Red Hen Press
$18.95
Maybe you've noticed this is my first book review. That's because it's not often I find a book I want to plug. Especially not a book written by an esteemed yet modest professor from my own MFA program. Not only is Bill Trowbridge one hell of a faculty member, but he's also one clever writer. Read on.
Ship of Fool, Trowbridge's long-awaited collection, out now from Red Hen Press, is three parts. That is two parts humor and one part poignancy. Parts one and three follow Trowbridge's lovable schlemiel, Fool, a guy who tries so hard but has nothing but trouble coming for him. Part two is a taste of nostalgia served up both like a sundae and a slap in the face. I enjoyed this collection, but I'd bet on the fact that almost anyone could pick it up, poet and layman alike, and take away Trowbridge's message: There's a fool in all of us, but there's good in there too.
I'm not a fan of reviews that give away a work's best lines, but here's a little taste from a poem called "Class of '59':
"We muster smiles as we try/ to read between the lines/ and wattles. This must/ be you. This must be me, we muse,/ surprised we're not unhappy, showing our age,/ showing our class,/ lifting our plastic cups."
So buy it, you Fool.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Next Big Las Vegas Industry
I recently listened to a radio segment that suggested the only hope for Michigan's economy is giving up its reliance on the auto industry and in favor of something new. That made me start thinking about the potential for Las Vegas to bring itself back by creating a new industry that would be more recession-proof. I know what you're thinking, prostitution IS recession-proof. But everyone knows prostitution is only legal outside the city limits. Here is a list of my predictions for what industry Las Vegas will transition to when the big guys realize Casino's can no longer sustain us.
1) Prostitution: See above. If it were legal, we'd have more jobs, more tourism, and there are already plenty of hotels to bring a John to.
2) Marijuana: Medical marijuana is already legal, which has spawned dozens of new hydroponics shops. It's an ideal crop since it can be grown indoors. The only foreseeable problem here is a lack of water.
3) Eco-tourism: We're surrounded by beautiful mountains and desert, and we're certainly worthy of the schlep. Imagine how good someone would feel after a week of digging up lawns to replace them with socially-responsible, sustainable rock gardens.
4) Fine dining: We already have better dining options than pretty much anywhere in the US outside of NYC. But I think we're still doing a shitty job advertising it. Plus, we could use better and more frequent food festivals.
5) Furniture: What ever happened to Mayor Goodman making us the furniture capital? We don't even have an IKEA yet. I'm not sure how people are going to haul their stuff across the desert, but it's actually a legit industry, so who am I to argue?
1) Prostitution: See above. If it were legal, we'd have more jobs, more tourism, and there are already plenty of hotels to bring a John to.
2) Marijuana: Medical marijuana is already legal, which has spawned dozens of new hydroponics shops. It's an ideal crop since it can be grown indoors. The only foreseeable problem here is a lack of water.
3) Eco-tourism: We're surrounded by beautiful mountains and desert, and we're certainly worthy of the schlep. Imagine how good someone would feel after a week of digging up lawns to replace them with socially-responsible, sustainable rock gardens.
4) Fine dining: We already have better dining options than pretty much anywhere in the US outside of NYC. But I think we're still doing a shitty job advertising it. Plus, we could use better and more frequent food festivals.
5) Furniture: What ever happened to Mayor Goodman making us the furniture capital? We don't even have an IKEA yet. I'm not sure how people are going to haul their stuff across the desert, but it's actually a legit industry, so who am I to argue?
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Real World Las Vegas: Again
Yep, you read that right. If you haven't already been alerted, MTV's reality pioneer is returning to Vegas...again. The first Vegas season happened sometime while I was in high school. Then that same cast came BACK to Las Vegas, and now there's another season in Vegas with a new cast that premiers in March.
I find this odd for a few reasons. First of all, the obvious: Has any other city been host to three seasons of The Real World? I don't think so. Wouldn't MTV want to go back to London or Paris or maybe try something different like Topeka before giving us a third season of clueless twenty-somethings living in Vegas as so-called "locals" despite never leaving their penthouse?
Second, is this really the best time to tape here? I mean, if they want to see a real (excuse the pun) disaster, why don't they just tape in Egypt? I doubt foreclosed condos and deserted casinos are really going to provide the fun-loving party atmosphere MTV usually looks for. Although, they did just tape in New Orleans, so maybe it's like a big, fat, season-long public service announcement for our fair city. In which case, I guess I should be grateful that the network was willing to double our monthly tourist count from 7 to 14.
Lastly, they still haven't cleaned up the muck they left here after the first season. Any tourist is bound to trip over Trishelle at some D-list Strip event to this day. You think I kid. Well, in a way I do. Trishelle is actually very nice, from what I hear.
I find this odd for a few reasons. First of all, the obvious: Has any other city been host to three seasons of The Real World? I don't think so. Wouldn't MTV want to go back to London or Paris or maybe try something different like Topeka before giving us a third season of clueless twenty-somethings living in Vegas as so-called "locals" despite never leaving their penthouse?
Second, is this really the best time to tape here? I mean, if they want to see a real (excuse the pun) disaster, why don't they just tape in Egypt? I doubt foreclosed condos and deserted casinos are really going to provide the fun-loving party atmosphere MTV usually looks for. Although, they did just tape in New Orleans, so maybe it's like a big, fat, season-long public service announcement for our fair city. In which case, I guess I should be grateful that the network was willing to double our monthly tourist count from 7 to 14.
Lastly, they still haven't cleaned up the muck they left here after the first season. Any tourist is bound to trip over Trishelle at some D-list Strip event to this day. You think I kid. Well, in a way I do. Trishelle is actually very nice, from what I hear.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Vegas: Like a Lint Roller for Weirdos
Every city has its eccentrics. For example, in the town where I grew up, this creepy middle-aged man decided he should dress up as Superman and wave an American flag on the street corner for a post-9/11 morale boost. Now that doesn't make any sense.
But Las Vegas has even more weirdos. In fact, we have at least a dozen people who walk around dressed up like Superman, and not for the sake of some lofty ideal like patriotism. It's because they're broke and have no shame.
What really made me start questioning the sanity of the average Las Vegan was when I began attending education conferences after I moved here five years ago as a new teacher. When most people think of teachers, they think of a bunch of squares who are really only as wacky as their loudest holiday sweater. So, theoretically, a city's teachers should, if anything, be the most normal cross-section of the population, and teacher meetings should be a small representation of the city's most responsible, level-headed citizens, right?
Uh oh, Mrs. Peterson, someone's been eating the paste, and it isn't little Johnny.
The people I meet at these things are CRAZY. Just today, I attended a small conference about sensory integration disorders with several of my colleagues. We were really excited to network with some private occupational therapists in the area to whom we could later refer students. Boy, were we wrong. I'd be more likely to leave my kid alone with the crazy lady on the corner who gets the mail in a shower cap. I couldn't even attempt to break down all the kinds of crazy on this page. But if I were to create a composite, imagine post-plastic surgery Roseanne Barr (physically), wearing Kurt Cobain's clothes with Tom Cruise's personality (circa frenetic Oprah interview).
Then I got to thinking, what if the crazy teachers are just leading to more crazy students who are growing up to be crazy adults? That's something to think about.
But Las Vegas has even more weirdos. In fact, we have at least a dozen people who walk around dressed up like Superman, and not for the sake of some lofty ideal like patriotism. It's because they're broke and have no shame.
What really made me start questioning the sanity of the average Las Vegan was when I began attending education conferences after I moved here five years ago as a new teacher. When most people think of teachers, they think of a bunch of squares who are really only as wacky as their loudest holiday sweater. So, theoretically, a city's teachers should, if anything, be the most normal cross-section of the population, and teacher meetings should be a small representation of the city's most responsible, level-headed citizens, right?
Uh oh, Mrs. Peterson, someone's been eating the paste, and it isn't little Johnny.
The people I meet at these things are CRAZY. Just today, I attended a small conference about sensory integration disorders with several of my colleagues. We were really excited to network with some private occupational therapists in the area to whom we could later refer students. Boy, were we wrong. I'd be more likely to leave my kid alone with the crazy lady on the corner who gets the mail in a shower cap. I couldn't even attempt to break down all the kinds of crazy on this page. But if I were to create a composite, imagine post-plastic surgery Roseanne Barr (physically), wearing Kurt Cobain's clothes with Tom Cruise's personality (circa frenetic Oprah interview).
Then I got to thinking, what if the crazy teachers are just leading to more crazy students who are growing up to be crazy adults? That's something to think about.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Leaving Las Vegas
Have I complained about early morning flights at the Las Vegas airport yet? Because if I haven't, I should.
This morning I left my house at 4:30 to drive to Terrible's Casino to park my car to catch the airport shuttle. When I got there, the shuttle was already parked outside, which is awesome because I didn't even have to pretend like I was staying at the hotel and make them call for one. Unfortunately, I got an incredibly talkative shuttle driver who wanted to carry on a completely one-sided conversation. When I told him I was flying to Minneapolis, he fell into a tailspin of excited chatter. Apparently, his first love lived in St. Paul. Apparently it's his favorite place in the world.
When we arrived at the airport and he handed me my luggage, he gave me his card. Great, I thought, at least I have the number handy for when I need a shuttle back. Then he flipped over the card and pointed to his cell number and told me I should text him so we can go to a movie sometime. Now I have to live in fear for a week that he'll be on duty when I get back in town. Maybe I'll just pay for a cab. But no, I get back Friday night, and the cab line on Friday night is a disaster.
Anyway, I went through security and stood in line at Port-of-Subs, which was the only thing open, to get an orange juice. "I've gotta warn you, this is going to take a while," said the guy in front of me. "The line hasn't moved for like ten minutes." Since nothing else was open and I was early for my flight, I decided to brave the line. The really notable thing about early morning flights out of Vegas is that everyone is drunk still. One guy could barely stand up to order his "baconincheesesanwitchanacoffee." And there's always a girl who thinks it's cool to wear an ass-baring club dress to the airport. I mean, how long does it take to pull on pants and a shirt?
Needless to say, I am rather glad to be getting on a plane soon to fly to a different city altogether. And I'll let you know how it goes with me and the shuttle driver.
This morning I left my house at 4:30 to drive to Terrible's Casino to park my car to catch the airport shuttle. When I got there, the shuttle was already parked outside, which is awesome because I didn't even have to pretend like I was staying at the hotel and make them call for one. Unfortunately, I got an incredibly talkative shuttle driver who wanted to carry on a completely one-sided conversation. When I told him I was flying to Minneapolis, he fell into a tailspin of excited chatter. Apparently, his first love lived in St. Paul. Apparently it's his favorite place in the world.
When we arrived at the airport and he handed me my luggage, he gave me his card. Great, I thought, at least I have the number handy for when I need a shuttle back. Then he flipped over the card and pointed to his cell number and told me I should text him so we can go to a movie sometime. Now I have to live in fear for a week that he'll be on duty when I get back in town. Maybe I'll just pay for a cab. But no, I get back Friday night, and the cab line on Friday night is a disaster.
Anyway, I went through security and stood in line at Port-of-Subs, which was the only thing open, to get an orange juice. "I've gotta warn you, this is going to take a while," said the guy in front of me. "The line hasn't moved for like ten minutes." Since nothing else was open and I was early for my flight, I decided to brave the line. The really notable thing about early morning flights out of Vegas is that everyone is drunk still. One guy could barely stand up to order his "baconincheesesanwitchanacoffee." And there's always a girl who thinks it's cool to wear an ass-baring club dress to the airport. I mean, how long does it take to pull on pants and a shirt?
Needless to say, I am rather glad to be getting on a plane soon to fly to a different city altogether. And I'll let you know how it goes with me and the shuttle driver.
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