And then the mob said, "Turn your head and cough."

Yesterday I needed to go to the doctor. The only person available was the doctor's assistant, but he can prescribe drugs too, so what the heck.

When he entered the exam room, I thought perhaps I'd accidentally driven to urgent care on the Jersey Shore. He had one sort of droopy eye like he'd been punched in the face during one too many bar fights, and he kept saying shit. "I'll give you some of this shit and you'll feel all better. Shit." It's cool, I guess. Maybe the mob has infiltrated the medical industry.

Then, for dinner, we decided to try this new taco place. It's new but they'd sent out coupons in the mail, so what was there to lose?

We walked in and ordered and the guy's like, "Sure! Fuggidaboutit! I'll make you an offer you can't refuse," and gave us a bunch of free stuff. Then he started speaking Spanish with the grill guy in an Italian accent. At that point, we were pretty sure our burritos were going to suck, but that's beside the point. Has our economic slump trickled down to include organized crime? Will Bugsy Siegle show up to clean my carpet? I won't let him park out front for fear of car bombs.