Wanna buy a huge drink and stumble around somewhere?

Alternate title: There's nothing to do here (or anywhere for that matter).

Las Vegas is a 24 hour city, so many people assume this means 24 hours of constant fun. But think about the last time you visited Vegas; what did you do? I'd venture to guess it had something to do with booze and empty pockets. Now imagine you're stuck here permanently. No, you're not incarcerated after pinching a councilman's tush on NYE(I can tell you that story later), you just happen to live here with neither the plans (nor funds) to get the hell out.

"There's nothing to do here," is a common complaint from Midwestern kids who resort to getting black-out drunk in the cornfield and tipping bovine. This isn't a stereotype; I actually knew people in college who said that this had been their typical weekend growing up. Naturally, I assumed that if I lived somewhere bigger or brighter, I'd never face that boredom brought on by yet another Friday night spent in the same bar or coffee house listening to the same Black Eyed Peas cover band or Klezmer group (what?).

But it's no different here. Aside from some really expensive shows or equally bank account-draining activities such as indoor skydiving, helicoptering over LVB, or going to a concert, I generally face the same icky feeling of deja vu weekend after weekend. Here's where I could link to a bunch of stuff that always makes various local press' lists of things to do for locals, such as the Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art or the Pinball Museum. But I won't, since most people exhausted all those ideas during their first four months of living here. Instead, I've short-listed several insane ideas I've never tried before. Have you?

Really Stupid Shit to Do When You're Bored in Vegas:

1) Get a prostitute, refuse to pay, and run away on foot.
2) Graffiti the side of Encore.
3) Buy a little remote control boat and drive it in the pool at Bellagio. (Someone has to have thought of this one already.)
4) Scale the fence of Steve Wynn's neighborhood, ring his doorbell, and steal his walking stick. (This is only funny if you know Steve Wynn is blind.)
5) Buy front row seats to Holly Madison's Peepshow, wait til the music gets soft and make loud accusations about which parts of her are plastic.
6) Dine and dash at Joel Robuchon.
7) Egg newlyweds taking their pictures in front of the Welcome to Las Vegas sign.
8) Fill The Mix elevator with ping pong balls; push the button for the top floor.
9) Get a penthouse suite at any hotel and throw stuff off the balcony.
10) Go to the Eiffel Tower Restaurant and order everything in French, ask the waiter questions as if it's the real Eiffel Tower, such as "Did you work here when Bridget Bardot filmed that movie?" and "What do you think of President Sarkozy?"