Is that a dauber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

On Friday night, locals' bingo had a big comeback. I drove down to the South Point Casino bingo room for the first time in a long time, and, for the first time ever, I also used an electronic scorecard thingy instead of old-fashioned dauber and paper. This allowed me to play about 72 cards at once without doing anything. Seriously, even if you get a bingo, the machine plays a few bars of "We're in the Money," to wake you from your complimentary-bingo-drinks haze. All you have to do is yell "Winner!"

I used to think these devices made the game less fun, but a certain bingo expert told me that it's the only way to play. After all, how would a true fanatic be able to keep track of that many cards with a semblance of accuracy?

Anyway, after sitting in seats that weren't previously occupied by "reserved" signs from totally superstitious wackos, we started sipping drinks and getting comfortable. I wasn't three sips into my first drink before this blue hair sat down two seats to my right.

"You might want to move up a row," she said as she set up her electronic bingo device. I thought maybe she was about to make a joke about how animated she might get if she won. Like maybe she'd knock over my vodka and cranberry cocktail.

"I cut off the top of my big toe just now running up the escalator to get here on time, and security is coming up to wrap it. I'll probably have to put my bloody foot up on this chair here," she continued, gesturing to the chair between us.

"Oh no," I said, faking sympathy and wondering why she hadn't just sat away from me in the first place.

"I would move, but this is my lucky seat," she continued, stretching out her leg to show me the blood-soaked piece of tissue wrapped around her toe.

How rational. "Oh, I see," I said, turning away from her to decided how squeamish I would have to be before giving up my seat. This was clearly a matter of principle since I was there first.

"It's funny. I actually cut off the top of that same toe before."

"Hmmm..."

"When I was a kid, I went swimming in a lake and kicked it against an old piece of glass bottle."

At this point, I sincerely thought I was going to pass out. On cue, three security guards with a first aid kit rushed into the room. Apparently, next time I'm seriously injured, I should skip the ER and go to South Point.

Anyway, we ended up moving over (a nice compromise between moving to a completely different row and me passing out). The security guys wrapped up her foot and she actually won some money. I didn't, course. In fact, I've never won at bingo.